Reality and it's rocky head fucks!!

Well finally the day has arrived that Danii lands in Australia!! I wont' be seeing her still for a few weeks yet - plans changed :-( 

I am so devestated by this - but I completely understand!! And yet even though we won't yet be catching up and starting our huge adventures - still the fact that she is here is yet another blow of reality and just how close the day is... 

I am excited - I am happy - I am ready - not ready - I am anxious - I am afraid - I am sad - I am scared - I am over fucking whelmed!!

I purchased my luggage last weekend and on the arrival home with my stylish bright new bags- Home - carriers of my life - I was washed with emotion.. And when I opened them with intention of filling them, inside I instantly filled up with panic - and at the same time became blank.. Shut off.. 

What do I fill it with?

Where do I begin? I know I constantly post about this trip and probably sound as though I am on repeat but in my almost 30 years this is the absolute most biggest thing I have done, and when I think about what it is I am actually doing I have no idea how to handle it.. 

Is this the right thing to do - YES! Am I excited - YES! So then what's my issue? 

Fear..

The unknown.. 

Fear of failing.. What if I cant' find work - what of Danii decides to hate me after a while - what if things don't work and I gotta go home - would that be failing?

I need to shake this shit off!!!

I need to face head to head this fear and know that it is the best thing I will do - know that it is going to be fucking amazing and I must have faith in myself or else this will not work... If something scares you isn't that proof enough you MUST do it!!! That the fear in the end will be the reason it will all be worth it.. 

Danii will be reading this hopefully lauhging thinking I am such a dick..? LOL Love you Danii!!!

I think I am just thrown off and sad that I won't be seeing Danii today - but I am so super excited for her as she will be seeing her family and her knew little baby neice Alexis - for that I am so happy for her and can handle waiting a few more weeks..

I think also my emotion comes from how fast this time has actually creeped up on us all - as I was shopping for my luggage last weekend I was with my mum - and once I decided what I wanted and we were headed back to the car, mum started crying - happy crying - now I am crying LOL - as she realized - her reality sunk in - I am actually doing this I am leaving - for a year.. I've never been away and so far from my family before and for so long.. They lived in Roxby for years while I was in Adelaide, but it was like around the corner and they always came to Adelaide and I there all through the year - but this time nothing for so long, and I will hardly speak with them unless on skype and between my living life in another country having adventure and working skype will be few and far between...

So having the reality of it all being real and it sinking in for mum I guess my emotions are on high alert..

I've always been bad with goodbyes so come my farewell and the actual week of departure - Danii I warn you now, you will hate me!! Hahahahahahahha 

My bags are sitting in my room with this and that filling them up and every time I go in there and attempt the thought of doing what I need to I turn around and walk straight back out.. I can't handle it.. where do I start, what's important to take - keep - toss - store at mums ect... Arrrggghhhhh..

I choke up crave air...

If you take out the Easter long wkend - I have like 2 weeks left at work - what the actual fuck! that's not alot of money and I haven't saved shit - I guess this also extends to the emotions and panic.. 

I've organised a farewell for April 11th and all the people I love will be there - this isn't that long away either - I am so excited for everyone to be around having drinks laughing and enjoying the company of those I love the most... Bring on the party I say - perhapes that's what I need - a fun big drunken night - yes it's exactly what I need actually!! It's been so long since i got messy drunk and danced my ass off and just had a good fucking night, so that's just exactly what I need!!!

BRING IT ON!!!

I am also excited the past few weeks Danii has made herself some new friends and an extremly active and exciting social life I love hearing about so I am so excited to get HOME with her and meet everyone and have a good bloody time!! 

I'm being silly really like anything good that happens or is about to happen to me I ruin it with over thinking kill and destroy any chance I ever had in the first place!! I need to take a breath, sit back relax and enjoy what is about to be the best thing I ever did!!!

Once again Danii I thank you for allowing me to invade your life - your home and your family to make these adventures happen and the crazy memories we will make - I can not wait to get on the road with you and explore New Zealand and the rest of the world over the comiong months and years - that's right woman your stuck with me and year by year we will be tearing apart this world :-) 

Well that's my repeated sook for today - feeling a little better but still wanting to explode with emotion over load on the inside!!

Danii enjoy your travels today beautiful and catch up on last nights lost sleep due to 50 Shades of Greg.. LMAO 

Next time we speak we will be in the same country!!!

Enjoy the trip to Roxby and the family and I will see you soon and speak with you sooner!!

Until Later Much Love K

NZ family xoxo

I just feel that I should make a very special shout out to NZ Mum - Fiona and Dad - Craig - 

Hey guys love you both and am so so so thank full to you both for allowing me to come visit and stay last year for what was supposed to be only 2-3 days that turned into a week and than again for allowing me to come and LIVE with you in 7 weeks time!!! Thank You both so much - you really have NO IDEA how much this means to me seriously I don't know how to thank you.. 

Danii and I... KatDan xx

Left-Right- Nana,Mum,Maxi,Me,Dad xx

You guys haven't just agreed to let me live in your home - you've welcomed me with open arms and hearts and have made me feel so welcome and apart of the family - I could have forced the family but hey it's part of my charm.. You even have a picture of me up on the family wall.. That is just so so beautiful!!! And mama bear having set up and made beautiful my own room for me - moving your nail things out .. That is just so so lovely of you to do that - I didn't and don't expect anything from you guys and you have been so welcoming and loving towards me - I just wanted you both to know how thankful I am and how excited I am to be coming - Home - soon with Danii for our adventures to begin - i promise you won't regret it - Only through Thursday - sunday nights you might - But again who doesn't like seeing random drunk onsie dragons around the place!!!

Dad hows the - No Cats allowed sign coming along for the man cave - hope it's up before my - No dads allowed sign - Hahahahaha :-)

Also I thank you again because now my  Mum isn't so freaked out and spastic worried about me leaving even though I am turning 30 this year - The poor love struggles to cut the cord ;-) Lol 

well there you go :-) Thank You I love you and I'll see you both soon!! 

Mwah!!! Lots of Love the Adopted one and soon to be favourite one Kat xxx

Bucket List Blues..

It amuses me to write these 'Blogs' knowing probably no one reads them - well not probably they don't.. Only Danii.. Hahahaha but I am ok with that - maybe one day someone will, and maybe that day and that someone might be the right person I would have inspired, encouraged to help them reach their goal - find a way to become themselves - a self they love and accept and if so I've done what I set out to..

Share - Encourage - Inspire..

Whoever you are ( Besides Danii) I hope you enjoy and take from this what you were looking for..

I didn't have to think and decide if I was moving away from Australia and what I was going to do, I always knew it was going to happen the only Q when.. I decided I announced I haven't looked back.. In preperation for this huge step I am taking in life I began following travel Bloggers - Nomads that I found interesting - who thought and felt the same as I do and who have already travelled the places I want to go - any and all tips welcome..

Travelling on a budget
Backpacking Must do's and don'ts 
Best hikes in the world
best beaches of the world 
Ect Ect....

Africa
Hawaii
America
Europe
France
Italy
Tuscany
Morrocco
Greek Islands
India
Egypt
Croatia


I want to go everywhere and see everything - and I will.. Turning 30 this year doesn't mean it's the end - it's my begging and I am so excited... 

But the point for this particular blog - Bucket Lists.. Goal charts...


You might write a Bucket list at 15, by the time you turn 20 those dreams will change some you may have achieved others were and are simply a dream.. From 20 - 25 they will change again and so on and so forth..

I never really had a bucket list there were things I knew I would love to do, but my reality of them happening I didn't have such high hopes..

As a teenager I didn't grow up creating bucket - dream lists - spending hours on writing plan for plan goal charts - Or start a pretty beautiful book that one day would be my guide to the perfect wedding.. I am a simple person who dreams silently and lives in the exact moment that is now...


My dream jobs when I was younger were to be - Nail technician - Working in beauty ect - Done and check - it didn't end up being what I wanted it to be but I can tick it off as having done it - TICK..

Working in a pub/bar - Can tick that one off - loved the job - loved my customers - unfortunately it was a bad work environment.. Done it - TICK

Work in a clothing store - again wasn't what I thought/hoped but done it - TICK

Last and not least - cafe - barista - done it - still current position so - TICK

So obviously I haven't aspired to be a doctor - lawyer - accountant - nurse - or any of those other 'important' career roles - but do you know what - I stayed within the lines of my reality - my world.. I am a people person - I am active within my work space - I love to serve people - I am an easy going laid back human - an office job would bore the absolute fuck out of me - but in all my work life history I am proud with what I have done - we've all made mistakes so I can't sit back and hate on myself for what I have done wrong or stress over what I could have done differently- but rather turn any negative into a positive - if I had a bucket list for career dreams  - I can tick ALL of mine off.. Weather they worked out or not, they are an experience, a lesson, part of my journey and I can sit back and say - Been there and done that.. I feel proud about this.. I gave it a go.. And being a people person I am well at customer based roles - interacting with customers - working in a team or by myself I am happy with where I am career wise and I have no lack of confidence for my future when it comes to work - I have the experience and I can talk the talk..

I can also tick off music festivals - I have seen many bands that I love and my most recent - 'Bucket List' concert dream was the Rolling Stones.. The fucking Rolling Stones people - To me this is/was HUGE.. A dream come true!!!!That's a group from back in my parents day and I have loved them from a young age - seeing them live in concert was only ever a dream - until I saw them magically last year in October - Best experience of my life...  Rock 'n' Roll at it's finest.. I will never forget that night- experience for the rest of my life and when I think back on it I will smile wildly like I am now..

AMAZING!! WOOOOOOOO!! 

Travelling also was only a dream but last year I got on that plane and I am about to have the best experience yet.. So don't worry too much if you make a Bucket List and don't achieve them - even if you start a new one 5 years later - you still have time - you always have time.. And your dreams might change... I've not done some of the things I thought I would have by now - but I have achieved some of the things I once thought - Impossible - so take from this - anything can and will happen..

Moving overseas who would have thought I'd be doing that... We are not here to live our lives pleasing others doing what 'Society" expect of us, I know people - society - may struggle with the knowing that I a single 30 year old woman have no desire to be in a relationship or to have children, settle down and buy a house - I know they may not understand why I am easily packing up my life into a bag and travelling the world with Danii or alone, and I know that they can not understand how I am HAPPY about all of that.. An office job 9-5 - a husband - children and the family home the thought alone bore's the shit out of me so why would I settle down and do that because it is what society expects of me - I wont.. But hey things change and I might want all of that one day - but today I am not worried - Today I am happy and excited for tomorrow..

So Save your money, buy that ticket and just Go Go Go!! Create a dream and make it reality!!!

If your fearless enough you might just be reckless enough to acheive the impossible..

Love K

A good day's end..

Woah - what a day - so much for my day off and getting part organised for my trip... 

I got to work around 12ish and left at 4 so that was nice and yes and a little extra cash I wasn't expecting so who can complain, But it worked out well because it's given me that little extra motivation to get things done, and that extra cash earn't today I can pay a bill this week and save some extra dollars next week which means I can start having my money transferred into New Zealand currency, I really need to get my butt into gear and start saving with like 6-7 weeks to go that time is going to be here before I know it and I NEED MONEY!!! 

The wardrobe nightmare is coming in control nicely I've filled a bag with unwanted goods ready to hand it in for money - even if it's 30 dollars it's better then nothing..

NZ funds - hello... 

I'm feeling good and focused and motivated this week - if I keep it up all will work out perfectly and I'll have no stress come fly out day..

I'm also feeling a lot better at work after I spoke with my boss about some things that were bothering me... You never know if you don't ask and you can not fix the unknown..

Danii that last comment was for you ;-)

Well I am off to eat shower and relax for the rest of the night - another suprise I start later and finish later tomorrow sleep in plus extra 2 hours work - woo :-)


Happy Days

Much Love K

The endless crap a woman's wardrobe contains :-/

Aaaaaarrrgggghhhhhh...

I never thought moving overseas would be such a stressful and painful job when it came to packing... I've moved a zillion times in my life and honestly I love it - but I laugh every time it comes to packing because you accumulate so much shit!! Every time I move I do a big clean out - this stays this goes so on and so on - and each time I am left with multiple boxes of crap!! DO I REALLY NEED THIS!!! IS THIS REALLY IMPORTANT ENOUGH TO KEEP!!! Well I have today off - and with only a short 6-7 weeks to go I guess I should get started with packing up my room and tossing those not so important belongings.. This is a task naturally unmotivating but more so in my case as I live on the top floor - the third floor and no elevators - Do I really want to lug everything down three stair cases - no - does it HAVE to be done - YES... Blah... Lol...

Being a woman - I have draws - wardrobes and even still TWO suitcases of clothes i do not wear - Some items I've had for years even still with fucking tags on them... This is ridiculous!! Today clean out day - clothes shoes hand bags jewellery it all has to go - Online POP UP SALE!!! Lol Wish me luck this is going to be a day long activity and I am hardly excited... LOL 

Where do I start....... The dishes...

Enjoy your day and wish me luck with mine..

Much Love K

Update... 

So going through my things I decided to google search - where to drop my crap... This really cool Op shop in Glenelg came up so I called them - They said to give them my details and they contact the owner and she will contact me and organise to meet and look at what I don't want, and if she is interested in any of it she will offer me a selling price  who would have known.... So going through all my things and once again I am stuck here saying - Do I need this - why am I keeping this - especially with accesories - I mean isn't there a rule - if it has been used or worn in 6 months it goes - But what if I throw it away and then sudddenly that was the ONLY necklace or ring that would finish off that perfect outfit.. It's a tough life being a woman... 

And my boss just called I have to go into work - I shouldn't have answered the phone GOD DAMN IT...  Now to pack up this mess and get ready for work - if I wasn't moving to NZ and didn't need the money I would have said no - but I am currently practicing this - Adult - buissness and I must say - IT SUCKS... Where's my trustfund at... Lol 

Until later - Much Love K

Confessions. The ghost is gone. Rebirth of a life!

To my Family - Mum and my Sister Sam - I thank you both!! I love you both - and without the two of you and the final tough love act from you both I may not have been here today, more importantly not here to do what I am about to do which is LIVE!!! 

To you both I am from the bottom of my heart sorry for all the sleepless nights, worry and stress and pain I have ever caused you throughout the years - throughout my stupidity.. Mum sorry I wasn't a better daughter, Sam sorry I wasn't a Big Sister.. I should have inspired you , I should have been a role model, now I can only hope to be that for your girls - the greatest gift of all  My Neices..

Thank You, I love you both Mum and Sam.



This life I really am one of the lucky ones..


Driving home on Sunday with mum after spending the weekend with my sister and neices it dawned on me - Holy Shit!! I'm moving to New Zealand in 7 weeks!!! 7 Weeks!!!

 For the rest of the hour drive home I was silent.. 

I was thinking about life - what I had done what I hadn't, what was still to come.. My family. I am going to miss them so much - this much is obvious, but really emotions ran through me wild and heavy I felt sad, I am really going to miss you Mum, Sam, Alexis and Callie - the girls I cant even think about - How much they will grow and change.. It breaks me, Aunty Katta's little Monsters!!! But through all of that I am overwhelmed with positivity, excitement, pride.. This past year has been one of the worst in some ways some of the best - but in the worst ways they could not get any worse and it's been a journey of personal growth, acceptance, encouragement, self admittance..

Everything I was, everything that has happend, good, bad, people, anything in life before right now, when I get on that plane I will leave behind.. I will forget.. I will forgive.. I will find peace.. I will let it go.. 

Who I am, and what I am here for will be life now.. My reason for being, this life, this world, this moment is and will be exactly what it is supppose to be.. I will finally find who I am and what I am, and with that I will be happy, I will be free. I will live and not just exist. For this I wait with arms wide open..

This life is too short to sit back and wait, if you want something you have to get up do it yourself!!! 

This life is too short to sit around and give yourself to people who do not want you - unless you have something they need.

This life is too short to sit back and hate yourself - no one can love you until you love yourself. You can not be forgiven until you forgive yourself.

Your dreams will remain dreams until you get up and do what you need to, to reach them. 

It was a hard and long lesson, but self acceptance is the key.. Accept yourself, love yourself, like yourself, BE YOUR FUCKING SELF!!!

I thought turning 30 this year would be scary - that I would feel old - worse - I am old.. But I am not!! I will be Thirty, Flirty and Fucking fabulous!!! I could sit back and reflect and dwell in what I haven't yet done or achieved, or I can welcome it embrace it, Be just that.. 30 Alive and free!!! 

Most people at 30 are married, have children, own homes, work jobs they hate, and earn money that keeps them alfoat, this they are happy with, they accept, that is their lives they have chosen.. For me, I have no children, no desire for them, I have no partner, and again no real desire, I have no plan, but to flow naturally where the wind might lead me. My child is my Passport, My partner this planet - my reason for existance - to see, smell, touch, explore every inch of this planet as I can..

It's strange  when I reflect on this past year, who where what I was doing this time last year, I was smoking through a crack pipe everyday - But hey don't lecture me I'm fine - I don't have a problem.Maybe I did have a problem, was I ready to fix it - not yet.. I'd moved away from my family to do that, I was lost. I'd given up, I wanted out. I was dead inside, and I'd finally accepted that.. I had no plan on changing that. Actually I wanted to, but the easier option was to just keep doing it until I was dead.. Really dead.. It was only a matter of time..

Denial is the real killer here - if you don't believe you have a problem you can not fix the problem. You can not help someone who does not want to help themselves!!

I thought I was hiding it - from my family - my friends - at work - Most of the time I was, but not always, and when busted I would lie - I'd be angry - I'd be defensive - I was self destructive.. 

I wasn't hurting myself, because I was numb - I was dead inside -  I felt nothing. But I was hurting.. I was hurting the people who loved me most, who I despite my bad doings Loved the most... Eventually they hurt me back, that's when I felt something, that's when I admitted I was sick, I was in trouble, I was something I denied being for so long, it was then when they rightfully hurt me back that I said - Ok help me. I need help. I am a drug addict. I am lost. I want to stop!!! . I could do and did it on my own. My motivation? Pain. Loss. Fear. My Neices.. My love for them, for my mum, my sister was enough, and their love for me.. It was hard, it was painful, it was a long and still now there are days I suffer, could at any time turn back to what I was, but I won't, I don't want to, and I have something to live for now. Myself. I am worth it. I deserve life.

For every action there is a reaction.


Right here, that  ghost that simply floated through life simply existing is gone. Born is the Free Spirit who will live. Breathe. Embrace Life..

Here and now I am  Alive. I am Living. 

Love K.

Big Dreams - Positive Focus.

Hey Guys -

Do you ever have that feeling of constant repeat? Same thing different day. Do you ever have the urgent crave to break out and be completely different, live a complete opposite life? I am today. Everyday. Ever since I made the decision to pack a bag and move to New Zealand.
Even though I am thankful and so so blessed to have a healthy and happy life with people I love who love me back, work a job that I am rewardd simply because I enjoy it, I am not ALIVE. I EXIST.

Life is waking up in a new city witnessing a sunrise for the first time. Sitting on a rooftop surrounded by night lights and cocktails in a world you do not know. Life is hearing language - learning history of foreign cultures, eating food you can not pronounce, dancing with exotoic menat a hidden island drinking from a coconut. .
Life is a long ad slow train ride through landscapes that take your breath away. Or the rush in a helicopter over mountains and snow.

Life is exploring. This planet is why I was born. My calling.. To see, smell, hear,feel,experrience. Oceans to mountains, from New York to Tuscany. The Greek Islands, Paris. Learning French and Skiing in Switzerland. This is LIFE....

Dream big and stay focused to achieve it.. April 16th I achieve the first of many. And I can hardly wait..

Love you! K